Malfoy Manor
by XaShi
Summary: Dinner at the Malfoy's Manor has always been a serious and silent ordeal, that is until Harry Potter arrives and sanity takes a much needed vacation. [incomplete]
1. Where am I?

**Disclaimer**: I do not own the Harry Potter characters. If I did I'd be rich but I am not so be nice.

Malfoy Manor

Harry sat in the car waiting for the Dursleys. He was okay with not having to go into the store and shop for Dudley's school supplies, but did they really have to park in the sun, leave all the windows up, and be in the fvking store shopping for FIVE HOURS! No, of course not they had finished shopping and were now sitting in a nice dark cool theater watching a movie while he sat in the SWELTERING HEAT OF A CAR! Now normally this wouldn't be a problem right? You just unlock the door step out of the car and find some shade, simple no? But of course for some weird freakish reason he couldn't get the fvking door open. He'd tried everything from pushing the unlock button to trying to smash the window in, but nothing worked. Sighing harry decided to take a nap so, he laid down on the back seat and fell a sleep.

"There he is. Finally, we get to kill the little bastard. . ."

"No, Goyle. Remember we are not to let any harm come to Potter once we have captured him. Dark Lord's orders." Lucius sneered.

"Yes, sir" Mr. Goyle muttered.

"Okay, Goyle, Crabbe you two approach on the left side of the car. Knox you come with me." Lucius ordered everyone to their positions.

As the Death Eaters approached the car they set up wards, shields and other spells to keep Dumbledork from capturing them. Finally reaching the car they stood a few feet away, surrounding it, and looked for any movement. Seeing none Goyle asked, "Is this even the right car?"

"Of course it is, those foolish muggles wouldn't dare lie to me. He probable saw us coming and is trying to hide. Crabbe, approach the car and look in." Lucius said.

With a nod of his head Crabbe approached the car and looked in. "Potter is in there, but I think he's asleep."

"Good that makes every thing easier." said Knox as he took the locking spells off the car.

In reality Harry Potter had passed out from heat exhaustion, poor HP :-(

First thing Harry's mind registered was that his body HURT. The second thing was that he was laying in an incredibly soft, warm, and extremely comfortable bed? Harry's eyes snapped open at that thought and became panicked when he was

met with only black. He tried to focus his eyes for a few minutes, but failed.

'_I can't even see the shadows of my arms, and they are practically touching my face!'_ Harry thought.

Grunting in frustration, he attempted to roll over on his side, and cried out as a wave of pain washed over him. As the pain subsided he became aware that it was freezing in the room so, he groped for the quilt and pulled it up over his head and was instantly incased in a cocoon of warmth. It was then that he realized that he wasn't wearing any clothes.

'_What the fvk, where are my clothes? Why am I in a stranger's bed? Not, that I'm complaining at the moment. This is a very nice bed, I wish my bed at home was this comfortable. Maybe then I wouldn't wake up sore every morning. Though the room is a little to dark and cold for my tastes, I hate being cold it reminds me of the Dursley's house. Its always cold there. . .'_

Harry's thought process was suddenly interrupted by the sound of a door opening followed by a bright light coming on. Harry was very thankful that he had pulled the quilt over his head, because it had saved him from that awful blinding light.

"Well, well, well . . ." A familiar, but, at the moment, unrecognizable voice spoke. "Look who is finally awake."

It's short I know but until I get OVER **5** reviews saying I did a good job don't expect any more. Of corse if you want to give me some constructive criticism go a head and be my guest I will accept that to and any random idea you want to let me use would be helpful. just so you know my spelling and grammar skills suck so don't pester me about that Please, review.


	2. Finally Clothes!

disclaimer: don't own harry potter or anything you may recognize. Every thing else is mine /plot/.

_thoughts_  
/Parseltongue/

MM2

"Well Potter how are you feeling?" Severus Snape asked as he approached the bed.

"Sore." came the quit reply, Harry was not completely awake yet.

Snape hand the boy potion, "drink this it will help."

Seeing Harry's distrustful glare, Snape held up a hand to stall any questions, complaints, and/or arguments Harry Potter might have. "Before you say anything to embarrass yourself, I am going to give you the information I think you need to know at this point in time." Snape sneered at Harry as the boy crossed his arms and huffed angrily.

_The brat can suffer a little longer. _Snape thought cruelly.

"First, we burned those rags you were wearing, because they are not fit for the Dark Lord's son. Second, you are presently residing in the Malfoy's home, so you will be courteous to everyone in the house. Third, you will be taught the dark arts, the art of torture and your new duties as the Dark Lord's son. Forth, if you attempt to hex, kill, run away, or cause any damage to yourself or anyone else without permission you will be severely punished. Is that understood?" Snape asked with a glare at Harry.

Harry was speechless, " . . .the dark lord's son?" he managed to whisper.

"Yes the Dark lord's son. After careful deliberation the Dark lord has decided that instead of hunting you down and giving you a painful death he is going to adopt you as his son and heir. Now the door to your left is your private bathroom and the door to you right is your closet. You will wear the clothes that we have chosen for you, and we will choose your clothes until you get a fashion sense and when we will have guests. Now you . . . WILL NOT EVEN THINK OF SPEAKING WITH OUT PERMISSION!"  
Snape raise his voice as Harry was about to comment on something, taking a deep cleansing breath Snape continued, "Now you will go to the bathroom and get ready for dinner and keep in mind that the Dark lord shall be dining with us tonight."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

After a nice long shower Harry picked up the neatly folded clothes that his potions professor had left him. Harry frowned a bit as he remembered Snape's blatant insult to his sense of fashion.

_I have a wonderful sense of fashion it's not my fault the Dursleys never let me get nor wear proper clothing. Wow, these are really nice! I think I might like being here. No! Bad thought! These people are the enemy, got to remember that._

Harry smiled at the shirt he was holding up before getting dressed.

Harry was now wearing a pair of pitch black jeans and a black sleeveless shirt. A long cape hung from his shoulders, in was held together in the front by a silver snake pendent with emerald eyes. Snake wrapped around a sword was sown into the back of the cape in silver. He also wore black leather boots with silver buckles.

Harry couldn't help but smile at his reflection in the mirror before alerting his potions professor that he was ready.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Snape led Harry from the room and into a dark corridor. The walls in the dark hall were uncomfortably close together and the ceiling, if there was one, disappeared into the darkness.

They went down a flight of stairs, turned right at a landing, went down a hallway and up two fights of stairs before they emerged into a brightly light hall.

Harry paused to look around, he saw that the walls were lined neatly with portraits and statues of various species of snake. Two Asps were busy arguing over weather baby birds or baby cats tasted better. Harry hissed a greeting to the asps, but they just ignored him. A near by statue of a viper turned its head and stared first at professor Snape then at Harry.

/Ah, you must be the new snake speaker. The master has informed us of you/ The viper hissed.

Harry, curious as to what information he could gather from the viper smiled and hissed /Good day! May I have the pleasure of knowing your name/

/Yes, you may, it is Gwen. what is your name/

/My name is Harry Potter. you are very beautiful statue, who made you/

/Liotta, was my maker. You remind me of him./

/Oh, really, how so/

/You look and sound like him. Is it permissible to call you Liotta/

/Yes, that would be fine with me Gwen./

"Potter! Keep moving." Snape yelled when he realized that Harry was no longer following him. Harry jumped in surprise as he had forgotten about his professor.

Quickly he hissed /Sorry Gwen, I must leave now./ he hissed regretfully/Hunt well/

/Hunt well, Liotta./ Gwen repeated the traditional farewell of snakes.

"Potter, come here now!" Snape snapped irritably.

Smirking harry responded sweetly, "Yes, Snaple I'm coming."  
Snape paused and stared at Harry as if he were insane as the brat passed him and went into the dinning room.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Harry paused and gazed at the ridiculously long table. At first glance Harry thought it was made from a single black marble slab, but as he approached the table Harry realized that the table was actually made of glass. It was a black with some silver mist that swirled lazily inside the glass that gave the table its appearance of black marble.

The chairs were made a deep cherry wood with the dark mark outlined in silver on the backs.

"Potter sit here." Snape ordered.

Harry nervously sat in the chair Snape indicated. It was at the far end of the table away from the door. Harry noticed as he sat that his name was carved into the chair, just above the dark mark.

Snape glared at Harry, " The Dark lord will sit here at the head of the table. You will be silent and obedient. You shall not attack, insult, nor any foolish attempts at escaping. for you shall quickly find out that every Death eater will not be opposed to hexing you for it.  
Since this is the day of your adoption every death eater of any importance shall be here, along with their offspring.

"Also, when you are asked a question you will answer honestly and completely. You will be polite, respectful, and most importantly you will call the Dark lord Father. Is that under stood?"

"Er, Yes sir." Harry automatically responded.

Giving a kurt nod Snape went over to a closet that had just appeared and removed an old wooden chair. Placing the chair behind and slightly to the left of Harry's chair Snape sat down and waited.

It was not long before the death eaters started to trickle in. As each person crossed the threshold into the room name appeared above their spot at the table. Soon every chair but four was filled.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

(A/N) no body reviewed _sniff, sob, cry_ but I still write for my Psyco-I-a-trist.

**You need to learn to spell that word. **

Leave me a lone Steve! _runs off crying._

_**Steve dang-it she has enough problems without you being mean to her**. _

_Steve looks sad_**. Sorry Raven.**

_**Don't apologize to me go find Izza.**_

**Yes, Raven**

Review!


	3. Bored!

Bored! - Chapter 3

Disclamer - I don't own Harry Potter or anything else that looks familiar.

MM3MM3MM3

Appearing out of nowhere, Voldemort smirked evilly at Harry's shocked expression before turning to his death eaters, "Seeing as we have an honored guest this evening, I believe I shall bestow upon him the honor of saying grace."

All the death eaters turned to stare expectantly at Harry.

Harry hummed to himself for a moment, not exactly sure what to do, he finally bowed his head and started to say grace, "Thank you Lord for this wonderful meal," here Harry shoves a piece of food into his mouth, "Please bless those who have come to partake in this meal," Harry again shoves a piece of food into his mouth, "and those of us who have already eaten." Harry's eyes water and he starts to choke, "some of this delicious _coughcough_ meal." Harry suddenly pushes his plate away from him.

"Oh god! What is this crap? Who the hell made this, it's disgusting!"

Realizing that he had just insulted the Dark Lord Harry quick finish the prayer In hopes of redeeming himself.

"And to quote the great Duo Maxwell 'Through the lips and over the gums lookout stomach here it comes'"

This was meet with a really long silence and lots of staring.

Harry sat looking as innocent as possible, the Dark Lord recovered first _COUGH_ , "well that was interesting," he mumbled. A little louder he said, "Let us eat."

As everyone dug into the most delicious meal Harry looked around the table trying to memorize who was there and where they sat. Harry noted that Snaple was sitting behind him glaring and not eating, Harry guessed that he was under some kind of punishment. To his right at the head of the table was Vodlie-moldy. Next came Luci, Cici, then Dragon boy. After, the Malfoys came Bellatrix Black, Nox and his family, Blaze Zambani and his family, then a bunch of people that he did not know. To his left were Crabb and Goyle and their families.

Unfortunately, Harry's A.D.D. kicked in right about then and he looked up at the Ceiling.

422 seconds later . . .

Harry, casting furtive glances left and right, carefully slid his left hand onto the table. Using his pointer finger he inched his hand closer and closer to his prey. When he was about half way there he let his hand go flat, Cici was watching him. Harry glared at her.

Narcissus raised an elegant eyebrow at the young boy's antics, _there is something seriously wrong with that child._ She thought before returning to her meal.

When she looked away Harry stood his hand up on two fingers and he walked his hand the rest of the way to his prey, all the while glaring at Narcissus. He quickly pulled the bowl of blueberries over to him. Carefully, pawed through them looking for a berry that met his standards. Once found Harry gently pick it up and examined it. _Yes, this one will do_ _perfectly._

663 seconds later . . .

One Draco Malfoy Twitched.

For the past seven minutes he had been bombarded by blueberries launched by his arch rival.

Who was grinning like a loon at the moment.

Sighing Draco dodged another berry as he tried to finish eating, unfortunately Harry had other ideas.

This is soooo not working . . . How about . . . Yes this will do perfectly.

Harry smirked as he pulled out Snape's wand and transfigured the last blueberry into a snake.

The snake uncurled itself and flicked its tongue at Harry.

/_Are you my mommy?_/

Harry blinked.

Then blinked again.

He blinked once more, this time a little more slowly than the previous two blinks.

/I love you mommy./

/Sure, I can go with that?/

420 seconds later . . .

"Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!"

Everyone watched Pansy Parkinson jump up and down. Then, spin around a few times before suddenly fainting.

As she hit the ground Harry started to laugh uncontrollably.

All those in the room were now staring at Harry, noone noticed the little blue, bluebarry sized snake slither out from underneath the fainted girl's skirt and disappear under the table.

57 seconds later . . .

"Aaaahhh, get it off! Get it off!"

Another, young girl leaped from her seat and ran around in circles before slaming into a wall and knocking herself out.

This time everyone watched as the former blueberry slithered out from beneath the young girl's clothing and head back under the table.

Draco looked at Millicent then glanced at Pansy, did a double take and stared at her.

Pansy Parkinson was turning into a blueberry.

Draco tore his eyes away to check on the other girl.

She was also turning into a blueberry.

Unfortunately, for the girls, he was the only one to notice. Everyone else was trying, unsuccessfully, to capture and/or kill the little blue snake.

Harry had fallen out of his chair, not really he had dived off of it and under the table all the while calling his blueberry to him. He didn't want his baby to accidently get squashed.

240 seconds later . . .

Harry sat rocking his baby blueberry.

/It's going to be alright baby no need to get upset/ he cooed at the blueberry.

Voldemort, glared at his heir. _I may need to find a mind healer_ He thought as he handed Snape his stolen wand.

Draco smirked as he looked at the two blueberries he had saved, _Two life-debts not bad. Maybe I don't have to marry Pansy after all, I can tell her to go get knocked up by on of those mudbloods. Then have Millicent help cover up my involvement and use as a witness that the child isn't mine. I'll have to thank Potter for this._

MM3MM3MM3

Sorry it took so long to up date. Well actually I had it typed up along time ago, but forgot to post it.

Anyhoo, Review!!


End file.
